


What the Funk Yo

by cococonan17



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crack, Highschool AU, Humour, M/M, like stuff happens and its funny??, memes will be involved, there might be slight verkwan, transfer student!minghao, tumbler trash!mingyu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:57:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cococonan17/pseuds/cococonan17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone bring them salvation (and longer battery life).</p><p>Highschool au! crossposted on AFF</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. AC/DC

Dino leans back against his chair, toes nudging the front legs up and down as he's facing the ceiling. There's a pen in his hand that he's tapping against his cheek, seemingly lost in thought, but actually he's just looking up at his new Michael Jackson poster. Its the weekend but everyone's busy studying. School's almost over.

Which meant it was time for finals.

Jun and Hoshi had barged in, announcing how they'd been unfairly kicked out of the study group, crying about how mean Woozi was (and how hard his kicks were), and promptly asserted themselves into his room. Dino couldn't really complain. They did bring peace offerings - the salt and vinegar variety. Still no amount of grease and potato could allow him to just accept the current situation. He reaches for the bag of chips before speaking.

"Lately, I've been kinda worried."

Hoshi turns to glare at him, and Dino realizes - a bit too late - that really, he shouldn't have said anything at all.

"What the fuck do you have to be worried about you fetus fuck? You don't have to worry about anything, ninth grader," Hoshi snaps. Dino doesn't reply, just glances over to Jun, who shrugs from bed, before both of them avert back to their friend. Hoshi huffs under his breath as he snaps his head back down, muttering something about "damn middle schoolers and their easy lives", while frantically flipping through a battered copy of Murakami's collection of short stories. But his fingers are sweaty so they keep sticking to the dry pages and smudging black-inked annotations. The dark circles under his eyes - they match with Jun's - are illuminated by the brightness of his laptop screen. He's got it plugged to the only charger in the room (along with his phone) so there's no worries about the batteries running low, but he is running low on caffeine and sugar. There's only mild convulsions from what's left of the three Red Bulls he downed two hours ago.

"FUCK!"

He's been up for the last 48 hours, everything's sore, his butt's on static from sitting on hardwood, and he can't blink without cringing from the fatigue and stress. With an agonizing groan of fustration, Hoshi rangles off his sweat-soaked headband, flings it across the room - Jun flinches as it hits the wall beside him - and falls to the floor. He wishes his life would distort and retire him from reality like one of Murakami's nameless protagonists, so he'd be able to step into his laptop, engulfed in a technological prison, or shrink to an impossibly small size so he wouldn't be able to hold a pen. English is such a pain in the ass, he thought. What a pretentious subject.

"Chan, I want you to strangle me," Hoshi says after a brief moment of silence. "If I die of asphyxiation, then they'll have to excuse me from writing finals." He rolls to his side, curling into fetal position.

"I want to be free."

Dino feels bad for him. Jun doesn't.

"Get used to it," Jun sneers. "We've been studying together for the past two days and you don't see me whining like a little bitch, so ju-" And suddenly Hoshi's lunging at him, hands at his throat, and Dino can't do anything because, after all, Jun brought it onto himself.

"Let go you fuckboy!" Jun manages to grasp at the the other's arms, before kneeing Hoshi in the gut. Dino isn't watching (he's got his phone out, texting) but he can tell by Hoshi's screams and sudden thump! that Jun has probably thrown Hoshi off the small twinsized bed.

"Stop struggling and let me strangle you!"

"You charger hoe, you fucking took all the AC for yourself! My phone's at 5%!"

Their struggle continues but Hoshi starts choking up (and not because Jun's got him in a chokehold) and Jun follows as they both begin blubbering apologies. Things were said, feeling were hurt. Finals were a bitch.

Ah, they're crying again, Dino thinks. This is what he was worried about.

After they've cried themselves out, both teens had collapsed in exhaustion and were, at the momemt, napping on the floor like the five-year-olds they are. Dino's still on his phone, he's got it poised by his ear and it only takes three rings before his call is picked up.

"Hyung, please take them back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First fic in a while, I'll be updating maybe once every (two) weeks. This is just a prelude of things to come


	2. Dramatics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan and Hoshi are both salty (but for different reasons) and Dino is still relavant.

Movies and T.V. have always made highschool seem like a systemic network of cliques and oddballs, where angsty, hormone driven teens gathered to instigate drama. There's always some sort of character redemption arc involved, in which the edgy teen protagonist realizes all their existing problems can be traced back to the damaging socioeconomic mindset stemming from social conventions and the restriction of self expression from conservative parents. Usually by the end of it all, the protagonist manages to stand against the social hierarchy of highschool - which is designed to exploit the unequal distribution of power - and unite the student body as an act of defiance against the corrupt educational system. There's also the romantic subplot, which really is only there for dramatics and to amp views (cause who doesn't enjoy watching sexually fustrated teens getting it on?).

Highschool, in reality, is nothing more than media propoganda as actual highschool is nothing special and the on-screen crap that romanticizes the struggles of being a teen only works to rile up middle schoolers who think they're hot shit.

At least, that's what Seungkwan says, but he had just been binge watching Mean Girls and Highschool Muscial, so Dino knows the other's just salty he can't break into song at random intervals nor can he instigate drama without facing consequences when they start tenth grade. However, both of them agree on the middle school part.

Eight graders had no chill.

♤ ♤ ♤ ♤ ♤

Everyone's busy so only the first years of their group end up eating lunch together. Or at least Dino, Seungkwan, and Mingyu are eating. Vernon's passed out.

"This sucks," Seungkwan says.

"What?" Mingyu finally stops inhaling his lunch wrap. "I thought you loved your mom's cooking."

Seungkwan doesn't reply, but his face twists into a disgusted expression - because not only does Mingyu talks with his mouth full, but he's a messy eater too. No one tells Mingyu there's mayo on the corner of his lip, since that's Wonwoo's job and he is currently on the other end of the school for 'book club' (all they do is write grunge poetry)though everyone is secretly thankful because it's vomit inducing to watch Wonwoo and Mingyu's excess amounts of PDA, and the couple had a tendency to play footsies under the table. Disgusting.

"Mingyu please don't eat facing me, you're ruining my highschool experience." Mingyu looks down dejectedly, finally wiping his mouth with a napkin, while Seungkwan proceedes to stab at his lunch with the shitty plastic chopsticks he hates and _he's told his mom a million times already to pack the metal ones_.

"Whoa," Vernon, suddenly awake, raises his hands. "There's no need for this kind of animosity on the first day of school."

Seungkwan huffs, but holds his tongue and Vernon feels satisfied he's managed to keep the peace before immediately collapsing - muttering something about low blood sugar. Dino winces at the thud of head on table but continues to passively munch at his sandwich. Its evident Seungkwan's still crushed by how _normal_ highschool is, and Dino can't help but feel the same. Everything is still so...ordinary. His current classmates are mostly his old middle school classmates, the teachers aren't all that different, and even his route to school didn't change since the middle school and highschool are right next to each other.

It's a small world after all.

"Hey guys!"

They all turn, as a distinctive mop of blond appears from across the caf. Hoshi strides over to their table and Dino shuffles over to make room for him. Or rather, shuffles away because the older is dripping in sweat from dance club and the deodorant he's wearing masks nothing since there's still a pungent smell of Hoshi fluids and (Seungkwan shudders) Axe body spray. But the collective grimace from his friends doesn't stop him from sliding between Dino and Seungkwan.

"So." He clasps his hands together, smiling. "How's your first day of highschool? Bet your all just super psyched you get to hang with your cool hyungs again!"

"I've lost my appetite," Seungkwan says, dropping his chopsticks. He grabs his bag and stands up. "I'm off to find Jihoon, goodbye, please don't follow me dear lord you are disgusting."

"Okay, so Seungkwan's being a butt today." Hoshi watches as the brunette disappears. "What's his deal?"

Vernon, regaining conciousness, shrugs and grabs the forgotten lunch container. Dino watches, unimpressed, as Vernon enthusiastically partakes in the consumption of someone else's forgotten leftovers.

"Is this why you didn't pack lunch today?"

"Don't judge me here man," he says between bites, "family's outta town and I've ran outta pizza pops."

Dino is awed by Vernon's ability to survive without adult supervision.

The conversation stops there, Hoshi pulls out his own packed lunch, and everything fades into the background of clutter and chaos of starving children confined indoors because it's windy today and nobody wants to risk swallowing a fly with their overcooked cafeteria lunches. There's still twenty minutes left before fourth period.

"Ok." Now it's Mingyu's turn to instigate drama. "I've been patient, but like, seriously? Is... is no one gonna welcome me back?!"

He slams his hands on the table. But his outburst is met with blank stares.

"I've been gone for a year, hello??"

Still no response.

"The scholarship I got last year? The one to that culinary school in Paris? _The reason I'm retaking tenth grade??"_

Hoshi coughs.

"I'm sorry who are you again?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan's salty because he's a drama queen and Hoshi is salty because he sweats a lot. Dino's actually a really easy character for narration purposes. I might do a more Meanie centered chapter next time but it all depends on the vibe.


End file.
